Perinatal CBT Therapy: Pregnancy After Loss, Birth Trauma & Tokophobia in the UK
For thoughtful, capable women who are holding it together in every other area of life - but when it comes to pregnancy, birth, or becoming a mother, the fear, grief, or trauma feels unbearable.
You don't have to carry this alone.
Maybe
𑁍 You gave birth before, and it was so traumatic that now you're pregnant again - and instead of excitement, you feel absolute dread.
You're not just nervous about labour. You're terrified. Every kick from your baby reminds you that you're going to have to go through it again. You lie awake at night Googling "elective C-section UK" or "how to get tokophobia diagnosis" because you cannot imagine surviving a vaginal birth after what happened last time. You want this baby desperately. But the thought of actually giving birth makes you feel sick.
𑁍 You had a miscarriage or stillbirth, and now you're pregnant again - but you can't let yourself believe it's real.
You're checking for blood every single time you go to the toilet. You're Googling symptoms obsessively at 2am ("is it normal to have cramps at 8 weeks?"). You hold your breath through every scan, waiting for the sonographer to tell you there's no heartbeat. Everyone around you is excited. You're just trying to survive until the next appointment.
𑁍 Your birth was months (or years) ago, but you're still stuck there.
You can't stop replaying it. The moment you thought you or your baby might die. The feeling of being completely out of control. The midwife who didn't listen when you said something was wrong. You thought you'd "get over it" by now. Everyone else has moved on. But you're still carrying it - in your body, in your sleep, in the way you can't fully bond with your baby because when you look at them, you see what you went through.
𑁍 You're in early motherhood, but instead of joy, you feel numb, on edge, or like you're drowning.
You love your baby. You're doing all the right things - feeding, changing, soothing. But you don't feel anything. Or you feel too much - constant anxiety, intrusive thoughts, rage that comes out of nowhere. You look at other mums who seem to be glowing and bonding effortlessly, and you wonder what's wrong with you. Why can't you just enjoy this?
If any of these sound familiar, you're not broken. You're traumatised.
And trauma doesn't respond to "just think positive" or "try to relax." It needs proper support.
Support from a BABCP-accredited perinatal CBT therapist, specialising in trauma, anxiety and pregnancy after loss.
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Hi, I’m Aleksandra!
I'm a perinatal CBT therapist who understands how isolating pregnancy after loss, birth trauma, and tokophobia can feel - because I've walked alongside hundreds of women navigating this terrain.
I know what it's like when everyone expects you to be glowing and grateful, but you're secretly terrified. When you're holding your baby but can't stop replaying the birth. When the thought of giving birth fills you with dread instead of excitement.
Many of my clients are reflective, thoughtful women who appear to have it all together - but underneath, they're carrying grief, fear, or trauma that no one else sees.
I combine lived experience with advanced training in psychology, therapy and neuroscience to get to the root of what's really driving your fear or trauma - helping you understand what's happening in your mind and body, not just "manage" the symptoms.
Clients describe our work as compassionate and grounded - a safe space to be understood and supported without judgment.
"The most helpful part of therapy was realising and accepting that the miscarriage was not my fault. I keep reminding myself that I did all I could.
I used to think “It is my fault, whose else's fault could it be?.” But now, when I piece things together, I know I did all I could."
- Anonymous client, Birth Trauma Support
Therapy Services
🌱 Pregnancy After Loss Therapy
Living scan to scan, terrified to hope, scared to bond in case the unthinkable happens again.
After miscarriage, stillbirth or TFMR, your mind and body are wired to protect you from more heartbreak.
Therapy helps you find steadier ground as you navigate the uncertainty.
🌸 Birth Trauma Therapy
Can't stop thinking about your birth. Flashbacks that replay at night. Struggling to bond with your baby because the birth felt too traumatic. Your body remembers what your mind is trying to forget. Therapy helps you process what happened so you can move forward.
🌼 Tokophobia Therapy
Terrified to give birth again after your last traumatic experience. Panic attacks when thinking about labour. Too scared to even try for a baby. Tokophobia is real, treatable, and doesn't mean you're weak. Therapy helps you manage the fear so it doesn't control your choices.
🌙 Postnatal Depression & Anxiety Therapy
Feeling numb, overwhelmed, or constantly on edge.
Racing thoughts that never switch off.
Intrusive thoughts that leave you scared or ashamed.
None of this means you’re a bad mother — it means you’re struggling under too much pressure.
Therapy can help you feel lighter, steadier, and more connected.
"The process was as smooth as can be, and from our first chat, where I unloaded all my burdens, my fears, where Aleksandra understood all that I had gone through, I felt a ray of hope that perhaps I could one day enjoy the pregnancy that was passing too quickly for me."
- Anonymous client, Pregnancy After Loss Therapy
Right now, pregnancy, birth, or early motherhood might feel overwhelming — like you're just surviving, not living.
Here's what shifts when you work with someone who understands perinatal trauma:
What Changes When You Get the Right Support
You stop living scan to scan.
The hypervigilance eases. You can breathe through pregnancy without constant terror.
You can think about your birth without being pulled back into it.
The flashbacks decrease. You're no longer stuck reliving the worst moments.
The fear of giving birth becomes manageable.
Not gone completely, but no longer controlling every decision you make.
You feel present with your baby.
The fog lifts. You can actually enjoy moments instead of just going through the motions.
This doesn't happen overnight. It takes work. But it does happen.
You're Not Alone
Over the past decade, I've supported hundreds of women through pregnancy after loss, traumatic births, and fear of childbirth - both in NHS mental health services and in private practice.
✿ Women who thought they'd never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again
✿ Women who couldn't look at their baby without seeing the trauma
✿ Women who were convinced they couldn't survive giving birth
They're not just "managing" anymore. They're actually living.
And if they can get through this, so can you.
How CBT Helps
When you’re caught in grief, trauma or anxiety, it can feel like your mind and body are running the show - racing thoughts at 3am, panic in your chest at the sound of a monitor, or a constant sense that something bad is about to happen. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) helps by gently untangling these loops so you don’t feel hijacked by them anymore.
Here’s what therapy can look like in this season of life:
Making sense of what’s happening in your mind and body — why you can’t “just stop worrying,” why your heart races before every scan, why sleep feels impossible.
Calming spirals of “what if” — learning ways to pause the anxious loops so they don’t take over your whole day.
Working with memories and triggers — reducing the power of flashbacks and helping your body feel safer in the present.
Finding gentler ways through avoidance — whether that’s skipping scans, avoiding baby clothes, or feeling unable to leave the house, therapy gives you small, manageable steps back toward what matters.
Rebuilding confidence and connection — with your body, your baby, and yourself.
CBT isn’t about forcing yourself to “stay positive.” It’s about finding practical tools that make the hard moments more manageable, while slowly creating space for calm, safety and even joy to return.
"I feel at peace with those experiences. I accept that they've happened and that they were challenging and painful, but I now also recognise that they don't need to affect my experience of motherhood."
- Anonymous client, Pregnancy After Loss Therapy
Gentle Letters from Aleksandra
Join my community for free and stay connected with everything new in my practice. By subscribing, you'll be the first to know when I share insights on the transition to motherhood and the unique challenges of pregnancy after loss.
Letters from me. For the days when you need containment, clarity — or just a reminder that this isn’t your fault.
Frequently Asked Questions
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Birth trauma isn’t just a “bad memory.” It can leave you with flashbacks, nightmares, or the sense of being right back in the delivery room when you least expect it. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has trauma-focused approaches that help you gently process what happened so it no longer hijacks your mind or body. Together we’ll find ways to reduce the power of triggers, ease the constant alertness, and help you feel safer in everyday life again.
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Yes. Research shows online CBT can be just as effective as in-person therapy. For many women, being able to access therapy from home makes it easier — especially when leaving the house feels daunting, you’re caring for a baby, or travel is too stressful. Online therapy gives you the same evidence-based support, with the comfort of being in your own space.
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Absolutely. Many women say that pregnancy after loss feels like holding your breath the entire time. Therapy gives you practical strategies for getting through scan days, managing spirals of “what if,” and coping with the constant uncertainty. It’s a safe place to talk about fears you may feel unable to share with family or friends, and to find ways to carry both grief and hope side by side.
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It depends on your situation and goals. CBT is usually time-limited, often between 6–16 sessions. Some women feel lighter within a few weeks, others want longer-term support. We’ll check in regularly so the pace feels right for you.
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Yes. Intrusive or scary thoughts are far more common than most women realise, especially in the perinatal period. Talking about them in therapy doesn’t make them more real — it helps reduce their power. You’ll never be judged or shamed here.
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Sessions are £130 for 50 minutes (online, across the UK)
Delivered via secure video (Zoom)
Frequency tailored to your needs — many women find 8–12 sessions helpful, but some need shorter or longer support
Available Fridays, with limited evening sessions
Therapy is for women based in the UK and worldwide* (coaching services available separately for the clients based in the US and Canada)
let's get startedReady to Start?
I work with a limited number of clients at a time so I can give each woman the attention and support she deserves.
Current availability: I typically have 2-3 openings per month for new clients. If you're ready to stop just surviving and start actually healing, let's talk.
The discovery call is free, no-pressure, and helps us both understand if we're a good fit.