7 Things I Tell My Clients Who Are Pregnant Again After Miscarriage — That They Can’t Find on Google
Pregnant Again After Miscarriage? 7 Things I Tell My Clients (That Google Won’t)
You’re lying on the scan table, smiling politely at the sonographer. But inside, your body is locked in place — breath shallow, heart racing, mind quietly rehearsing what you’ll do if they can’t find a heartbeat. You’ve read all the stats. You know what the internet says. But none of it touches this: the living-between. The part where you're technically pregnant… but emotionally holding back. This is the version of pregnancy Google doesn’t talk about. And it’s the one I sit with, every week, with clients who whisper: “Why can’t I just enjoy this?” Here’s what I tell them — and what I want to tell you too.
1. You’re not just pregnant — you’re surviving
You’re tracking your symptoms every hour. Counting the days until your next scan. Sleeping with your hand over your belly like it might go quiet in the night. This isn’t just pregnancy — it’s post-traumatic survival. Your body is growing a baby, yes. But your nervous system is still protecting you from heartbreak. And if you feel like you’re holding your breath all day long, it’s not because something’s wrong with you. It’s because something happened to you.
2. Hope doesn’t jinx anything
You’ve thought about buying that tiny outfit. Then shut the tab. You’ve imagined decorating the nursery. Then immediately pictured packing it away again. You tell yourself: 'I’ll wait until the next scan.' Or: 'Maybe at 24 weeks.' Or: 'Maybe never.' But hope doesn’t jinx anything. It doesn’t make you naïve. It doesn’t tempt fate. It simply means there’s still a part of you — even the smallest flicker — that wants to believe again.
3. The fear doesn’t mean something is wrong — it means something happened
The scan went well. But your brain keeps whispering, 'What if next time it doesn’t?' You wake up without nausea, and it spirals into panic before breakfast. This isn’t irrational. It’s remembering. Your brain is trying to protect you from pain it never wants to feel again. Fear after loss isn’t proof you’re broken. It’s proof that your love runs deep and your nervous system still remembers the ache of before.
4. You can feel grateful and still feel terrified
You say thank you every night. And still lie awake fearing what could go wrong. You feel the kick. Then brace for silence after. This duality — joy and dread living side by side — doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you honest. Pregnancy after loss isn’t a clean slate. It’s a tender, trembling return. And you are doing it with more courage than anyone can see.
5. Preparing doesn’t mean you’re naive — it means you’re brave
You walk past the baby aisle. Eyes down. Telling yourself 'maybe next week.' You haven’t opened the baby app in days because even progress feels like a risk. But allowing yourself to prepare — in whatever way feels safe — is not foolish. It’s brave. Even imagining the future when you've known the worst is an act of radical hope. And you deserve to meet that hope gently, on your terms.
6. Most people won’t get it. That’s not your fault
They’ll say: 'Just be positive.' 'At least you’re pregnant again.' Or worse — they’ll say nothing at all. And you’ll wonder if you're overreacting. If you should just be grateful. But their discomfort with your grief doesn’t make your grief inappropriate. It makes it real. You don’t need to shrink your feelings for people who haven’t lived this. You need people who can hold space without flinching.
7. You don’t have to do this alone
You’re carrying a pregnancy. And a history. And a thousand silent fears. You’re not imagining the weight — it’s real. But you don’t have to carry it all by yourself. Therapy isn’t about fixing you. It’s about creating a space where you don’t have to pretend. Where your spirals can land. Where hope can return — not all at once, but one safe breath at a time.
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Written by Aleksandra, CBT therapist specialising in pregnancy after loss, miscarriage grief, and birth trauma. With over a decade of clinical experience and hundreds of clients supported through PAL, I bring trauma-informed compassion to every conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel anxious every day during pregnancy after miscarriage?
Yes. Many women experience daily anxiety after a loss. Your brain is wired to detect danger after trauma — even when there is none. You’re not failing, and you’re not alone.
When should I start therapy after a miscarriage?
There’s no wrong time. Some women begin right after the loss. Others wait until they’re pregnant again. If you feel overwhelmed, disconnected, or stuck in spirals — it’s a good time.
Does preparing for the baby mean I’m setting myself up for heartbreak?
No. Preparation doesn’t create pain — it creates space for hope. Avoidance doesn’t make the outcome easier. You’re allowed to prepare in your own time, in your own way.
Final Thoughts
If you’re here, still reading — I want you to know something: what you’re feeling is not only normal, it’s *expected* after what you’ve lived through. You don’t need to push through it alone. You deserve support that understands what it’s like to carry a baby and a loss at the same time. If that kind of support sounds like something you need — you know where to find me.
📚 Related Reading
Additional Resources
NHS Miscarriage Support page: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/miscarriage/
Tommy’s Pregnancy After Loss Hub: https://www.tommys.org
Miscarriage Association https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
Hi, I’m Aleksandra
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