Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Why You Still Feel Anxious - and How to Cope with the Fear
Pregnancy After Miscarriage: Why You Still Feel Anxious - and How to Cope with the Fear
If you’re pregnant again after experiencing a miscarriage, and you find yourself unable to feel relaxed or hopeful — quietly bracing yourself every day for something to go wrong — I want to tell you something very clearly: You’re not broken. You’re not overreacting. And you are absolutely not alone.
Many of the women I work with tell me the same thing: that they expected a new pregnancy to bring comfort, reassurance, even joy. But instead, it brings fear so sharp it takes their breath away. Fear that creeps in with every twinge. Fear that clouds every scan, even the ones that show everything is fine. Fear that whispers, “Don’t get too close — just in case.”
This is the emotional landscape of pregnancy after miscarriage. It’s not light. It’s not carefree. And it’s absolutely valid.
Grief Doesn’t End When the Test Turns Positive
Here’s what most people won’t tell you: Just because the test is positive doesn’t mean your heart suddenly resets. Pregnancy after loss doesn’t feel like a fresh start. It feels like a continuation of something that still hurts — something that your body and mind haven’t fully recovered from.
And this grief? It’s complex. It’s layered. You’re not just mourning a pregnancy. You’re mourning the imagined baby you had already started to love, the future you had begun to picture, and the version of yourself who was once excited and trusting.
Often, this kind of grief isn’t openly spoken about. Because the loss may have happened early, or because you’re now “pregnant again,” you may feel pressure to move on, to be grateful, to not dwell. But healing doesn’t follow a timeline — especially when the world doesn’t recognise what you’ve lost.
Your Body and Brain Are Wired to Protect You Now
After any traumatic event — including miscarriage — the nervous system learns to scan for danger. This means that even when things are going well, your body might still behave like something is wrong. That tight chest, the pit in your stomach, the way your thoughts spiral the moment you notice fewer symptoms — it all has a reason.
Your brain is doing what it thinks it must do to keep you safe. It remembers the heartbreak. It learned that things can change in a moment. So now, every quiet day, every scan, every symptom shift becomes a potential alarm bell — not because you’re imagining things, but because your system is still stuck in survival.
This isn’t “just anxiety.” This is trauma, dressed as vigilance.
Hope Feels Risky — But You Deserve It Anyway
I’ve sat with countless women who tell me they’re too scared to hope. They imagine decorating the nursery, then quickly take the thought back. They browse baby clothes, then close the tab. They say things like “if this baby makes it,” not “when.”
They don’t let themselves hope — because hope felt like betrayal last time. Because hope came before loss. And because they’re terrified that hoping again will somehow open the door to another heartbreak.
But here’s something I gently remind them: Hope doesn’t create pain. Loss does. Hope doesn’t jinx anything. It simply acknowledges that a part of you still wants to believe in something different.
Detachment Is a Coping Strategy — Not a Failure
Maybe you’ve noticed that you’re not connecting with this pregnancy the way you thought you would. Maybe you feel like you’re watching it happen from a distance, not really letting yourself in.
This detachment is often misunderstood. But in therapy, we know exactly what it is: a very smart, very loving attempt by your brain to reduce future pain. If you don’t get too attached, you can’t be too hurt — right?
Except detachment doesn’t protect you from grief. It only protects you from presence. And over time, it can leave you feeling isolated and robbed of even the moments that are safe and good.
In our work together, we begin gently unpicking that. We find ways to stay connected — not because it’s “time” to be happy, but because you deserve to feel real, grounded, and held in your own story.
How Therapy Helps You Feel Safe Again
You don’t need someone to tell you to “be positive” or “just relax.” You need someone who understands the complexity of what you’re living through — who knows that your anxiety isn’t irrational, it’s intelligent. It’s grief. It’s protection. And it needs support.
That’s the kind of therapy I offer. Trauma-informed, compassionate, and always attuned to your body as well as your mind. Because healing from this kind of fear requires more than thoughts — it requires regulation, safety, and deep acknowledgment.
We work on:
Mapping your triggers and learning how to respond gently, not reactively
Finding micro-moments of safety, especially on scan days or around symptom shifts
Processing your previous loss — not by reliving it, but by understanding how it shaped you
Creating new ways to connect to this pregnancy, even if it still feels scary to do so
Holding space for your entire emotional range: the fear, the grief, the love, the hope
This Isn’t What You Expected — But You’re Still Doing It
You don’t have to glow. You don’t have to “feel grateful every day.” You don’t have to rush yourself into feeling anything other than what you’re already feeling.
Pregnancy after miscarriage is hard. Not because you’re failing, but because it is hard. And your system is doing its best to carry both a baby — and the weight of what you’ve already been through.
But you don’t have to carry it all alone.
Ready to Stop Holding Your Breath?
If your brain won’t switch off and you’re spending your pregnancy trapped in spirals of “what if,” I can help. Therapy is the place where all of that — the panic, the silence, the protective numbness — gets to land.
You’re not broken. Your body just hasn’t been shown how to feel safe again.
📞 Book a free consultation here to explore if therapy could help you reclaim some calm, connection, and steadiness in this pregnancy.
Written by Aleksandra, CBT therapist specialising in pregnancy after loss, miscarriage grief, and birth trauma. With over a decade of clinical experience and hundreds of clients supported through PAL, I bring trauma-informed compassion to every conversation.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Is it normal to feel anxious even after a normal scan?
Yes. After miscarriage, your brain remembers what happened last time — not what’s happening now. That’s why anxiety doesn’t just disappear with good news.
Q: How do I stop being scared during this pregnancy?
You can’t force the fear to go away. But with therapy, grounding tools, and nervous system work, you can stop it from taking over your whole experience.
Q: What kind of therapy helps with anxiety after miscarriage?
CBT, trauma-informed care, and compassion-based therapy can help. The goal isn’t to stop the fear — it’s to feel more in control when it shows up.
📚 Related Reading
Additional Resources
NHS Miscarriage Support page: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/miscarriage/
Tommy’s Pregnancy After Loss Hub: https://www.tommys.org
Miscarriage Association https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
Hi, I’m Aleksandra
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